Linchpin Media
Atlanta, GA
ph: 678-613-8956

More




 

 

 

Do you believe in second chances?

By CHRISTINE VAN DUSEN
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 11/27/05

Charles "Roscoe" Heaton stood at the freeway exit with a homemade cardboard sign on a Friday morning last February. His scalp itched. His stomach ached. A mustard sandwich had been his dinner the previous night, washed down by Kool-Aid sweetened with sugar packets smuggled from McDonald's.

This spot, at Clairmont Road, netted him $14.50 not long ago. He needed to make more money this time, or the power and water would be turned off at his apartment again.

Roscoe smoothed his polo shirt and jeans, then looked around; he hoped no one he knew would see him. He raised the sign a little higher.

"Emory University grad, can't get work. Need a job, food, or money. Need help...Thanks."

DRESSED IN A PINSTRIPED navy blue suit with gold cuff links and carrying a black briefcase, Roscoe looks like a banker or a broker you can trust. He is articulate, friendly and unfailingly polite.

His credentials include an associate's degree from Young Harris College and a transcript that shows he graduated with honors. President of the student government's freshman board. A bachelor's degree in political science from Emory University in 2001 and a transcript with a cumulative GPA of 3.125. Volunteer for the United Way.

All this makes 31-year-old Roscoe an attractive job candidate. He often gets a second interview, and sometimes an offer on the spot. As a technicality, of course, the employer must do a background check. And that reveals a different kind of credential:

Roscoe is a felon.

He earned the label on his 17th birthday in Sandpiper Road park, a rectangle of scrubby grass and litter in Jonesboro.
It was there, court documents say, that Roscoe pointed a pistol at a neighborhood kid and threatened to blow his head off.

Roscoe was locked up for two years, four months and 24 days. When he was released nine years ago, he had $25 in the pocket of his prison-issued jeans and a plan on his mind.
He would not end up like his father, in and out of lockup for crimes like motor vehicle theft and burglary. He would not squander his life on the outside with pushers, the way his mother did. He would not go back to the old neighborhood, where the cops regularly cruised the cracked blacktop in search of drugs and guns.

He would send himself to college, a goal rarely attempted or achieved by the 650,000 prisoners released nationwide every year.

Roscoe believed a degree would help him find "quality employment" -- the best way, experts say, to avoid joining the 46.8 percent of offenders who are reconvicted within three years of release.

But Roscoe soon learned that no matter what he achieved, no matter what his resume said, he was defined by his criminal record.

It was a modern-day scarlet letter, marking him as he journeyed from angry prisoner to ambitious college student, from enthusiastic job applicant to desperate panhandler.

Sometimes Roscoe tried to hide his history and conceal the shame he felt about his family and his failures. Other times he put his pride aside and told the truth.

Roscoe banged on door after door. They were bolted shut.

"I don't hold it against the world. I see the reason why this happens," Roscoe says. "But I'm trying to be a better person and lead a different kind of life."

Only when he accepted his past, and encountered someone with a scarlet letter of his own, did a lock unexpectedly click open. Behind that door may reside Roscoe's second chance.
If not, he fears the next door he passes through will lead back into prison.

ROSCOE RECENTLY SAT ON a black couch in the home he rents in Cumming and cracked open a scrapbook he had started as a child. It is an obsessive chronicle of his life, a life his parents failed to witness.

There is a bumper sticker that says, "I'm proud of my Honor Student, Mundy's Mill Junior High." Report cards from Lovejoy High School with A's and B's in calculus and Latin. Snapshots of Roscoe on the school's football team. A photograph of his aunt, Bobbie Bennett, whom he lived with while his parents were "away."

Another Roscoe emerges in a photo of a smirking teenager in a cocked-back baseball cap. That kid got into fights on Friday nights in the parking lot of Jonesboro's Southway Shopping Center. He kept pepper spray in his pocket, and something he called "the grave digger," a hoe with an ax on the end, in his trunk.

That Roscoe watched his mother shoot heroin between her toes and saw his father's face fewer than a dozen times. That boy sneaked out at night and rode his dirt bike deep into the woods to binge-drink and do LSD. He got picked up by the cops again and again, for crimes like battery and underage drinking. He threatened a girlfriend. He tried to kill himself with pills.

You could end up like your parents, Aunt Bobbie warned him.
Roscoe didn't listen. His path, he believed, was far different from the one his parents had taken.

He never imagined both paths would lead to the same place.

ROSCOE'S COURT FILE describes what happened in the Bonanza subdivision of Jonesboro on Aug. 14, 1991, Roscoe's 17th birthday:

According to the prosecution, two younger boys were batting baseballs in Sandpiper Road park when Roscoe approached, eyes red and wild, spittle collecting in the corners of his mouth. He bumped into one of the boys, trying to provoke him. Then, from his waistband, Roscoe pulled a gun -- maybe it was black, maybe it was chrome -- and threatened to blow their heads off. Barbara Mitchell, the mother of one boy, was on her stoop across the street and called out to her child. Roscoe told her to go to hell. She called the police. Roscoe passed his gun to a friend. It never was found. He refused to let police search the house and later flunked a polygraph.

Another version of events comes from Roscoe's testimony. He was packing for a trip to Florida when he learned that a bully from a neighborhood gang was threatening one of his younger half brothers, Justin Hannah, with an aluminum bat at the park. Roscoe rushed to Justin's aid and wrested the bat from the bully. He grabbed his brother and backed off. Mitchell yelled at him from her stoop and they exchanged insults. Roscoe had a pager on his waistband and a Chap Stick in his pocket, but he had no gun. When a cop came to his door, Roscoe invited him inside but the officer declined because he believed the boy was a minor and there was no adult at home.

After Roscoe returned from his trip to Florida, he was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and making terroristic threatsâ as an adult, because he turned 17 the day of the incident.

Roscoe spent the next two years in the Clayton County Jail or out on bonds his mother financed, he says, by selling her eggs to a fertility clinic. During the times he was free, Roscoe continued to get into trouble: possessing a fake ID, driving with a suspended license. More serious allegations of assault and perjury, stemming from a fight, were later dropped. So were charges related to a traffic stop in which marijuana was discovered in the ashtray.

When it came time to face prosecution for the 1991 incident in the park, Roscoe rejected a chance to avoid incarceration by pleading guilty and serving five years' probation. He believed the jury would acquit him.

But the jury did not acquit him. On Jan. 28, 1993, Roscoe was found guilty and sentenced to four years in prison.

Today, this information comes as a surprise to Mitchell. Fourteen years after the incident, she says she pressed charges only so the boy would learn a lesson. "I never dreamed they would have sent him to prison," she said recently. "That breaks my heart."

Mitchell can't recall exactly what happened that day in Sandpiper Road park.

Roscoe will not be permitted to forget.

IN OCTOBER 1994, his requests for appeal denied, Roscoe was locked up at the Clayton County Jail. There, he whittled a toothbrush into a shank by scraping the handle on the cell floor. He put four bars of soap inside a sock and used it to beat an inmate who disrespected him.

In May 1995 Roscoe was moved to Georgia Diagnostic and Classification Prison, a maximum-security facility in Jackson where he would spend six weeks.

One evening, on his way to the mess hall, Roscoe noticed an inmate filing out. The man was thin, with weathered skin and a tattoo -- a skull with a top hat -- on his forearm.

Though Roscoe had not seen him in many years, he recognized the man immediately. It was his father.

Charles Sr. was incarcerated for motor vehicle theft. Records show his imprisonment at Jackson overlapped his son's by eight days.

Roscoe darted his eyes away, hoping his father had not noticed him.

Later, the encounter gnawed at him. Was he destined to meet the same fate as his dad, bouncing in and out of prison for the rest of his life?

In June 1995 Roscoe was transferred to Scott State Prison, a medium-security facility in Hardwick that would be his home for the next year and a half. At first he lived in a dormitory known as "the Dungeon," where at night he heard assaults taking place in the showers. Roscoe joined a white-power gang that promised to protect him.

Most of the time, Roscoe says, he read books in his bunk, knowing that if he stayed out of trouble he might be moved to the "honor dorm." There, gang protection wouldn't be necessary. It would be quiet enough for studying and for preparing for a future on the outside.

Roscoe scored high on a pretest for the high school equivalency exam and became an assistant instructor, befriending serious students like Otis Barnes, who was serving a life sentence.

Barnes says Roscoe "took me under his wing" and shared his best study secret: Go to bed after last count, then wake in the middle of the night -- when it finally was quiet -- to study.

Soon Roscoe moved to the honor dorm. In his new bunk he jotted down past mistakes. In the yard during recreation time, he jogged endlessly, obsessing over what he had done wrong and what he would do differently as a free man.

I'm not gonna yell at a girl. I'll open a door for her. If I get disrespect I'll think back, and tell myself I don't want to go back to prison. I want to be a lawyer, wear a suit and get respect.

"Everything changed," Roscoe recalls. "I put a value on life that I never had before. I was worth something to me."

He earned his GED, then prepared on his own for the SAT. Going to college, he assumed, could only improve his chances of finding employment.

"I thought I could go full steam ahead," he says now. "I had no idea."

ROSCOE LEFT PRISON in December 1996 with longer hair, a more muscular build, and a deep desire to get into college.

In his applications he included his SAT results -- 1160 out of 1600 -- but didn't mention his prison time.

Roscoe continued to hide that part of his past when he enrolled at Young Harris College in North Georgia in August 1997. He joined the choir and the drama club at the two-year liberal arts school. He took acting classes. He was elected president of the student government's freshman board.
Roscoe didn't go swimming or undress in front of anyone, fearful someone would see his electronic ankle bracelet, a condition of his parole as a violent felon.

And he didn't tell anyone that the heavyset, gray-bearded man visiting him on campus was his parole officer.

W.R. Barry carries a caseload of about 50 to 60 ex-inmates a month, yet he easily remembers Roscoe. "Roscoe was an exception," Barry says. "It was obvious he was an individual who had a lot of potential. He was in a hurry to correct the mistakes he had made."

Roscoe didn't discuss these mistakes with others even after the ankle bracelet was removed in November 1997, three months into the school year. He became president of the Phi Theta Kappa honor society. He went to fraternity parties. He played a soldier in a campus production of "South Pacific."
He raised his hand often and challenged professor Lee March in a political science class. "I always had the impression that he would succeed," recalls March, who advised Roscoe's chapter of Phi Theta Kappa.

The old Roscoe had not entirely disappeared, though. He got into a fight with a classmate and was fined. Another night he was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol and spent a weekend in the Cherokee County Jail.

Inside the holding cell, Roscoe remembers, "it was like my past was coming back to haunt me."

THE ACCEPTANCE LETTERS began arriving in January 1999: University of Alabama, Penn State University, and then the one Roscoe thought might be elite enough to make people forget his past:

"...You have been admitted to Emory College as a transfer student to begin in the fall term of 1999."

With his associate's degree from Young Harris, Roscoe enrolled in the Atlanta school on a partial scholarship and took out student loans to cover the rest of the $22,870 annual tuition. He also did work-study in the theater department and was placed, through a temp agency, in the mailroom at the Potash & Phosphate Institute in Norcross. PPI didn't know about his background.

At his off-campus apartment building, Roscoe befriended the maintenance man, Jimmy Vasser, and medical resident Brian Babbin. During their nights out at bars near the school, Roscoe didn't tell his friends about his time in prison. He wanted to blend in with the other guys in baseball hats and button-down shirts. He talked about football, NASCAR and rap music. He played pool and smoked cigars. He teased his buddies for having "slow game" with the girls.

"I thought [Roscoe] was just a preppy kind of schoolboy," remembers Babbin, now 31 and a pathologist at Emory University Hospital.

It was only after Vasser talked about his difficult childhood in Detroit, and Babbin about his rough friends in Florida, that Roscoe surprised them with his story. From then on, the three men formed an impenetrable and somewhat unlikely circle -- a former white-power gang member, a black maintenance man, a Jewish doctor. They eyed newcomers warily.

"No troublemakers," Vasser says. "We just have our understandings."

TO MARK HIS GRADUATION from Emory in May 2001, Roscoe shared a bottle of champagne with Babbin and wrote the date on the side with a Sharpie. He set the memento on his mantel, where he assumed other bottles would soon be placed to celebrate successes in the working world.

Roscoe was still employed at PPI, but wanted to pursue a career. His first choice: law. He was an enthusiastic debater who believed he could do a better job than his attorney had done for him.

But Roscoe learned that even if he was able to earn a law degree, his acceptance to the State Bar of Georgia might be blocked. His felonies could be seen as evidence he lacked "strong moral character," and he'd likely have to seek a special exception.

"I called attorneys and the bar association. I called the alumni association at Emory. I called Georgia State law school and John Marshall Law," Roscoe says. "When they keep saying no and hanging up the phone, where else can you go?"

Roscoe already owed about $22,000 in student loans, and he couldn't justify accumulating more debt for law school if he couldn't eventually practice law. The risk was too great.

In 2003, PPI let Roscoe go. Though he'd shown "a lot of initiative to find better ways" of doing things, his position was eliminated because of budgetary constraints, says Carol A. Mees, his former supervisor.

With no income, Roscoe's career search became more pressing. His next idea: insurance sales.

A convicted felon is prohibited from selling insurance without permission from the state's insurance commissioner. The agency says it does not keep statistics on how many felons apply or are granted approval. Roscoe says someone at the agency told him not to bother.

He applied for white-collar jobs at corporations, assuming his college education would help him compete. Instead, the degree made Roscoe's job search more difficult. Focusing on those kinds of careers pitted him against other educated people without criminal pasts.

He sent dozens of resumes for jobs as varied as logistics and retail, and often brought to interviews a brochure about the U.S. Department of Labor's bonding program, which temporarily covers the company in case an ex-offender commits certain crimes on the job.

But the bond had become a weak incentive -- companies were increasingly held liable for workplace crimes, and most court settlements far exceeded the coverage offered by the Department of Labor.

Something else may have hurt Roscoe's chances, too. At least twice, the background report that came back to employers listed his crimes multiple times -- to reflect when he was out on bond and when he went back into the system -- giving the impression that Roscoe had been convicted of aggravated assault several times and sentenced to more than four years in prison.

Roscoe next considered a career in social work.
He interviewed for a position counseling troubled kids at an adolescent treatment program in Alabama called Three Springs. Then he learned of the center's strict policy: No convicted felons on staff.

Roscoe sent his resume to job-search firms, and tried to enroll in employment programs offered by the state's Labor and Corrections departments. But he discovered the programs were for current prisoners and ex-offenders on parole or probation. Roscoe's eligibility had ended while he was in college.

He set his sights lower and lower, but the hurdles got higher. Over the years, an increasing number of companies had begun conducting background checks for even the most menial jobs.

Roscoe applied to be a grocery bagger at Publix and a fry cook at Burger King. Both conducted background checks. They told him the felonies were deal breakers, he says.

"He's trying to close a door behind him, but no one will let him," his Aunt Bobbie says. "They talk about a second chance, but I don't know who it's for."

TELLING THE FULL TRUTH brought rejection -- this much was clear to Roscoe. Only when he hid the past, as he had in college, was he judged on his merits.

This was on Roscoe's mind when a job placement agency sent him to interview for a second-shift supervisor position at PBD, a warehousing and distribution company in Alpharetta, in February 2005.

The placement agency already had conducted a background check that went back just seven years and didn't turn up Roscoe's felonies. He says he was told PBD would see only this document while considering him for the position.

Still, was he required to disclose the felonies anyway?

Roscoe decided the answer was no, and on his application with PBD noted his two more recent scrapes with the law -- the fight and DUI during college -- and left it at that.

"The person who would have been his immediate supervisor liked him," says Lisa Williams, human resources director for PBD. "He was going to be there by himself, and we felt good about that."

PBD offered Roscoe the job. He accepted.

At that point PBD conducted its own background check. It didn't go back seven years. It went all the way back.

"It wasn't consistent with Roscoe's application," Williams says. If he'd answered honestly, she says, "we could have had upfront conversations" about it.

The job offer was withdrawn.

WITH EVERY REJECTION, the patience Roscoe acquired in prison eroded. He got testy if a waiter took too long to bring a glass of water. He mercilessly chewed his cuticles and absently pulled his eyebrows.

"There are only so many times you can be backed into a corner before you snap," he says.

Feeling desperate, Roscoe sent letters to every business leader, celebrity and organization he could think of. More than 100 in all. Some, like Oprah and Al Sharpton and Dr. Phil, had nothing in common with him. Others, like Zell Miller and Bert Lance, were fellow alums or trustees of Young Harris College.

The letter began:

"My name is Charles E. Heaton II. I am at a disadvantage because at the age of 17 I got in some trouble with the law. I was convicted of aggravated assault and terrorist threats, which are felonies in Georgia.
"I know this is asking a lot, but please listen to my story before you throw this letter away and forget about me, as society is trying to do."

Roscoe described the scene at the park in 1991, the convictions, his time in prison and his success in college. Then he pleaded his case:

"How is someone like me supposed to better ourselves when we are treated like outcasts by society? Didn't I pay my debt to society by serving my sentence?
"I, myself, am losing hope and self-esteem every day. I don't know what to do. I need help because I do want to be a productive member of society. I feel I could do some good if given a second chance."

In February 2005, a copy of the letter found its way to the Forsyth Christian Business Leaders Fellowship, a networking group in Cumming. Roscoe agreed to share his story at a meeting.

Maybe someone there would decide he was worth a shot.

IT WAS COLD at Roscoe's house later that month. The power was shut off. So was the water. Roscoe spent most nights in his truck, cranking the heat on and off.

He had collected just $11.20 during his second attempt at panhandling near the highway exit at Clairmont Road.

Exhausted and defeated, he applied for food stamps and visited a nonprofit in Cumming that helped with food and clothing.

Roscoe's cellphone bill was long overdue, so outgoing service was shut off. But he still was able to receive calls.

One afternoon in March the caller ID showed an unfamiliar number. It was Ron Whitehead, owner of Cabinet Manufacturing Services in Cumming. He had attended Roscoe's speech at the Forsyth Christian Business Leaders Fellowship.

Whitehead was calling to offer Roscoe a job, and more.

I know you haven't been working, Whitehead said to Roscoe.
Yes, sir.
How much do you need?
Roscoe paused.
I'm behind on my rent and need $600 or they'll kick me out.
Whitehead wrote him a check for $800.

ONE AFTERNOON IN MAY, Roscoe walked into the cabinet shop to see what nails the laborers needed. He emerged with sawdust on his polo shirt and a nagging feeling of frustration.
Most of the workers had not finished high school, but Roscoe knew -- because as assistant office manager he saw their pay stubs -- that some made more than his $14-an-hour wage.

That was hard for Roscoe to accept. He wanted more money, more respect. But he didn't want to seem ungrateful; he felt indebted to Whitehead.

To boost his income, Roscoe took a second job as an $8-an-hour greeter and towel washer at Alpharetta's Windward Athletic Club, which he says did not ask about his criminal record.

He met a girl at the gym. After two weeks of dating she confronted him about some rumors of trouble in his past. Tired of defending himself, Roscoe broke off the relationship.

Paid my debt to society, he grumbled to himself. I'm still paying. What a joke.

"Sometimes I think I'd rather be dead than go through all this," he said later. "I'm on a one-way ticket back to getting into trouble. My choices are running out."

On better days, Roscoe thought ahead to December, when he will be eligible to seek a pardon for the first time. In his application he will need to demonstrate good behavior and offer letters of recommendation.

But a pardon in Georgia isn't all-powerful. Although it can soften a criminal record, it doesn't erase the conviction.

So no matter what, the felonies will follow him.

Just as they did one evening in May, when Roscoe drove home from the library in his 1991 Toyota MR2.

He was going the speed limit but wasn't surprised when a cop pulled out behind him; Roscoe knows his is the kind of sports car that attracts such attention. But this was the car he'd always wanted. He bought it -- used, under a financing plan -- the month he was released from prison.

The cruiser pulled him over, and the officer said the window tint was too dark. He took Roscoe's license for a routine check.

Roscoe's face went hot with anger. His gut, cold with panic.

When he runs the license, he thought, he'll see the felonies and assume the worst.

Moments later, Roscoe says, he was in the back seat of the cruiser in handcuffs, watching through the windshield as the officer and a drug dog searched his car.

An hour and 10 minutes later, Roscoe says, the officer issued a verbal warning and said he was free to go.

ROSCOE KNELT IN THE GRASS at Crest Lawn Memorial Park on a clear September afternoon and gently swept dirt from a brass grave marker. With a knife he cut the creeping weeds. Then Aunt Bobbie handed him a bright new bouquet of artificial purple mums. He placed them inside a vase on the now shiny headstone.

On this hill, Roscoe was creating his own second chance.

In April, he started a business he calls Flowers From Heaven. For a fee, Roscoe tends to graves for out-of-state relatives or folks who don't have time to visit and oversee upkeep. Then he posts a picture for the customer at a link on his company's Web site.

He took extra hours at the cabinet shop and the gym so he could set aside $300 a week for the enterprise.

"When I'm doing the flowers, there's nobody I answer to," he said. "Nobody judging me."

He propped up two drooping mums and stepped back to survey his work. Aunt Bobbie waited in the car.

"It's fine! C'mon!" she called to him.

Roscoe flicked away a stray leaf. Perfect. He snapped a photo and made his way down the lush green hillside.

"This isn't the route I chose," he said. "But it's the route I had to go."

ROSCOE ASSUMED MOST of the letters he wrote to politicians, organizations and business people ended up in the trash.

But in late September, Bert Lance called.

"The more I read the letter, the more it seemed the system was broken," says Lance, the former Young Harris trustee who served as President Jimmy Carter's director of the Office of Management and Budget.

Lance was acquitted of bank fraud charges in 1980. Years later, he still suffered under the weight of the scandal and felt the media and the public had imposed on him a "living sentence," he wrote in his 1991 memoir.

"If I could name a church, I'd name it the Church of the Second Chance," he says. "Whenever we get a second chance, it ought to be just that. The past ought to be done away with."

Lance said he found Roscoe's letter "as compelling a commentary as one could read about what happens to people. Do we allow them to get lost in the process? He's trying to make a living and be a productive member of society. It's tough, isn't it?"

He referred Roscoe to Lee Sexton, a well-known Georgia criminal defense lawyer, who said he would represent Roscoe for free and help apply for the pardon in December. And if Roscoe goes to law school, Sexton said, he will help petition for his special acceptance to the State Bar of Georgia.

So in October Roscoe quit the job at the athletic club to focus on the Law School Admission Test, look at places to apply, and assemble his pardon application.

"I lost years of my life," he says. "All I wanted to do was get out of prison and live a normal life, and that didn't happen."

This burst of good fortune seems almost unbelievable.

"A small part of me feels like it's all smoke, no fire."

Mostly, though, what Roscoe feels is something he hasn't felt in a long time.

Hope.

Finding her way in the dark

By CHRISTINE VAN DUSEN
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 12/12/04

Gloria Morton is afraid of the steel cabinet. She makes jokes, excuses and hasty exits to avoid confronting its contents. But there can be no more delays. She watches as the door squeaks open.

The pungent smell of rubber hits her first, then the sight of dozens of canes. Some have crooks. Others are straight, with black rubber grips or small rolling tips.

All of the canes are white.

Gloria knows how people respond to a white cane. They stare, or flinch, or give a wide berth when they pass. She knows it will be impossible to blend into a crowd if she carries one. It will make her look like an old lady at just 51, and undo all her efforts to appear "normal." A cane will mark her as vulnerable.

She has brought herself here, to the Center for the Visually Impaired on West Peachtree Street in Atlanta, to learn to live with her dimming vision. But she is not ready to accept that any day she may go blind.

Close your eyes. This is how Gloria may soon see the world. Now walk, or climb a set of stairs, or cross a street. You feel your way, fumble or, worse,youfall. Maybe you stand still, frozen by the feelings of fear and isolation that rise up in the dark.

Gloria has myopic retinal degeneration. The disease, like the more common age-related macular degeneration, began by weakening her already fuzzy eyesight. Then it stole a small spot at the center of her right eye, a spot that bled out like a black ink stain. The stain may eventually grow so large as to leave Gloria with no vision at all. Doctors have predicted the same fate for her left eye.

Total blindness, the disability Americans fear more than any other, may come in a week, or in a decade. Her doctor says there's no way to know, no treatment and no cure.

When Gloria got this prognosis in 1998, she couldn't fathom it. She still had enough vision to drive, work as a licensed practical nurse and take care of herself. That she might lose the ability to do all that and more — it was too abstract to comprehend.

So she ignored what was happening to her eyesight. She tripped up the stairs at her College Park home. She failed her driver's test three times. She kept working, even though she couldn't see well enough to immunize patients. She would pretend there was an emergency elsewhere so another nurse would take the task. Still, the vision problems didn't seem real. When Gloria lay awake at night, she was thinking about a loss she didn't have to imagine. It was as tangible as the empty bed in the next room.

So great was her denial that it took Gloria six years from the time of her diagnosis to walk through the doors of the Center for the Visually Impaired.

Now another month passes before she faces the steel cabinet and selects a skinny, white cane. It's collapsible. Unfolded, it stands chest-high. Gloria grips its smooth, black handle and fights the urge to cry.

She doesn't yet realize that only by using the cane can she hold on to a semblance of her sighted life, and remain connected to her surroundings, even as they vanish.

She doesn't yet see the cane as the instrument of her deliverance.


An inch-thick file documents Gloria's first days at the center:

She arrives with 20/200 vision. This makes her "legally blind," and means that what a person with normal vision can see at a distance of 200 feet, Gloria must get within 20 feet to see. With a corrective lens in her left eye, Gloria can make out extra-large type, shapes and colors. The blind spot in the center of her right eye makes it tough to see much of anything exceptthe gold screw on the side of her sunglasses.

Most blind people have at least a little bit of eyesight, which would explain why someone might use a cane to walk through a restaurant, then look closely at a menu and read it.

Gloria believes she began to lose her vision after she bit an electrical cord when she was 18 months old. A shock ran through her body, and she burned her right thumb and lower lip. Doctors think Gloria's impairment is hereditary; most of her relatives are nearsighted, though none as gravely as Gloria.

Her program of study — designed by the center and funded by the Department of Labor — includes reading, typing, word processing and cane use. She'll learn to operate kitchen appliances, cross streets and navigate the airport without vision, and she'll join a therapy group.

"Problems with meals, dressing," says a notation in her file from January. "Items seem farther away than they are, bumps into furniture at home. Cannot see the edges of objects. Center of things seem to disappear. Missing steps."

What her counselor doesn't write down, but knows from talking to Gloria, is that she is pessimistic and skeptical. She's angry at God and frustrated that her family doesn't seem to understand what she's going through.

She's afraid of the other students at the center. Their habit of saying "see you later" perplexes her. She thinks of herself as different from them, and she wants to stay that way.

She wears black to match her mood.


When Gloria gets home from the center in the afternoon, she fumbles through her purse until her fingers find the rainbow-colored strap attached to her keys. As soon as she opens the door, her ferocious-looking pit bull, Ghost, scampers happily across the scratched kitchen floor to greet her.

Gloria makes sure nothing else is underfoot but otherwise has done little to blind-proof the house. She has lived here alone since her divorce last year.

Her belongings arescattered on top of the bureau in the bedroom: pens, a mint, tweezers, hand lotions, a pack of cigarettes, a silver hairbrush, a melted Hershey's bar. A wicker basket overflows with receipts. Her closet is stuffed with baggy sweat shirts, plus-size jeans and unpaired shoes. Plush bears, bunnies and baby dolls blanket her bed.

Photographs are everywhere: tucked in the edges of her bedroom mirrors, crowded on shelves and covering the walls in frames. A chest at the foot of her bed holds more, as do 30 photo albums.

The small,velvet book is Syreeta's album.

Lift the silver cover to see a yellowed photograph of a baby girl in a pink-and-white dress with two matching barrettes in her short, curly hair.

Flip the page to see Gloria, in plastic curlers, holding her swaddled baby.

Another photo shows Syreeta as a toddler in a blue cheerleader uniform with a pompom on her head. And there she is at 16, as captain of the Creekside High School Seminoles squad.

The next page shows a white coffin surrounded by pink and white floral wreaths.

In the next photo, Gloria stands beside her daughter's open casket.

Syreeta had asked to attend a party on July 27, 1996, the night before her 17th birthday. Her father said no, but Gloria allowed their daughter to take the keys to the family Oldsmobile. On her way home, Syreeta veered off a road near Shannon Mall in Union City. The car rolled down an embankment and smashed into trees. Police believe she fell asleep at the wheel.

Gloria remembers just snapshots of the days that followed: choosing a coffin, designing a headstone, hearing her husband say it was all her fault. She swallowed a fistful of pills, hoping to never wake up.

Only when therapists and medications helped lift the fog of grief did Gloria realize her eyesight was failing. Then came the doctor's diagnosis in 1998. She sunk back into a deep depression.

Gloria confined herself to her bedroom and bathroom, afraid to go downstairs or outside, worried she would forget the things she loved, like the color red. Her fears kept her awake. What if she woke up blind?

One night, when she did manage to fall asleep, Gloria heard a voice:

Mommy . . . I need you to let go of more and start taking care of yourself.

These words set Gloria on a new course. Now, when she flips through Syreeta's album, Gloria lingers on the photographs that give her joy. She needs to remember every feature of her daughter's face. She's trying to burn this image into her brain.

Gloria is collecting other images and experiences, too, and pasting them into the flip-page photo album in her mind: standing with her father, wearing similar grins and similar shorts, at her kindergarten picnic. Her parents dressed in white on their 52nd wedding anniversary. Her son's daughter, Mariah, smiling just like Syreeta did.

These days, whenever Gloria is around people she loves, she touches them — squeezing a shoulder, feeling a hand, brushing a cheek — to flesh out two-dimensional memories. She expects to do a lot of that at the surprise party she's throwing in suburban Pittsburgh for her father's 80th birthday.

Gloria has reserved room in her mental scrapbook for those images and for other new memories she has yet to make:

She wants to rock climb, bungee jump and ride roller coasters. She wants to see an Alaskan sunset and the beauty of Elvis' blue Hawaii and play the slots in Las Vegas. She wants to work as a nurse again and drive a car.

These daydreams are big.

Her dreams at night are bigger still; in them, she's not wearing glasses, and she can see everything.


Even the most modest of Gloria's dreams stand little chance of coming true. Her finances are limited — monthly she gets disability payments of $759 and a food allowance of $162. And because she can't drive, she must rely on others to take her everywhere.

She hates that she cannot get behind the wheel and just go.

She loved her metallic beige 1996 Grand Am. She zipped around town with the windows down and the gospel music blaring. There was no need for maps or a navigator; she was supremely confident in her sense of direction and her driving skills.

That confidence was shaken in 2001, when a stoplight she knew should be there disappeared. Simply vanished. Gloria nearly crashed into an oncoming car.

A doctor said the light had slipped into her growing blind spot, and that she should no longer drive. So she stopped taking the car out at night and on long trips. But she still drove short distances on familiar roads. She only quit driving last year, when her marriage finally crumbled. In the divorce settlement she got the house; her ex-husband got the car.

Now, to get to the center, Gloria bums a ride from her younger sister, or rides a bus and a train,or catches a city-funded shuttle for the disabled. She arrives for classes by 10:30 a.m. Instructors keep a close eye on her progress.

"Gloria still has trouble with . . . basic mending, clothing color ID, nail care, maintaining records, ID prescriptions," a note in her file from February says. "In the stairwell she verified the edge of the stair with her feet and held both railings for support."

She takes home a box of contraptions to help with everyday tasks: a talking watch, a talking oven timer, self-threading needles, a talking thermometer, a talking blood pressure monitor, a plastic guide to place over checks so she can feel where to sign, various magnifying glasses, goggles with telescopic lenses so she can watch television in bed, and dogtag-like braille labels for clothing to indicate colors.

Gloria applies dots of puffy paint to her oven dials, with the dots increasing in size as the temperature markers increase, so she can feel how far to turn the knobs. When she pours herself some apple juice, she attaches a plastic device to the lip of the drinking glass that beeps when the glass is nearly full.

Eventually she will learn to fold her money so that singles, fives, tens and twenties won't feel and look the same when she pulls them from her messy purse.

First, though, she must learn to use her cane.

This won't be a private endeavor, like learning to read a book with a magnifying machine inside the center.

The cane will make a public pronouncement. It will brand her as blind.


Take the cane. Hold it with your thumb pressed against the flat side of the grip and your index finger pointing to the bottom of the cane. Using just your wrist, not all of your arm, sweep the cane in an arc on the ground in front of you, hip to hip.

Now shut your eyes and try your cane in a hallway at the center. Suddenly the passageway narrows. Moving in a straight line is nearly impossible, because the horizon is no longer visible as a guide. Baby steps feel like full-speed walking.

The floor can't be trusted to stay level. Standing at the top of the stairs feels like standing on the edge of a cliff.

Now step outside. Walk down the sidewalk on West Peachtree Street. The road is one-way, and you're traveling against traffic. At the intersection with Third Street, there's no audible crossing signal, so you'll need to listen for a surge of traffic passingon your right to know when it's safe to cross.

What sounds like a surge may actually be just a traffic jam breaking up, or a car revving its engine.

A wheelchair ramp from the sidewalk into the street is nearly flat, but it feels like a massive downslope. You can feel the sun on your face as you cross, then sense the shadows as you pass under an awning.

Though the cane will telegraph whether a planter or a pole is in your path, it is difficult to trust the stick. You worry about veering into the busy street or careening into the side of a building. You're not cognizant of your clothing, your posture or your facial expression, or whether your pocketbook is hanging open. Walking a single block takes extraordinary effort.

Name the cane, Gloria is told, so you'll feel connected to it. Carry it wherever you go. She ignores this advice.


One afternoon in March, Gloria decides to venture from the center for a snack. She shuffles through the back door instead of the front because there are fewer stairs to navigate, fewer pedestrians to bump into, and no streets to cross.

Through her sunglasses she makes out one of the many entrances to a glass-walled office building with a food court inside.

As soon as she pushes open the door, it's as though a flashbulb has popped in her eyes. The little lanterns dangling from the ceiling don't light her way; their glare blocks the path to the food counters, just five yards ahead. She wants to run from the building, but she can't find any of the exits.

Even as her eyes adjust to the light, she can see only smears of color that must be people passing by. She hears conversation and laughter and the ding of the cashier's drawer, but she can't see the sources of the sounds.

Her breath comes in quick gasps. She reaches out, grabbing handfuls of air.

Are you OK? someone asks.

Gloria doesn't answer. She clutches the stranger's arm and begins to sob. He leads her from the lunch crowd and through one of the glass doors. Still crying, Gloria heads back to the center.

What do you think about using your cane now? an instructor asks.

Gloria wipes her eyes and gives in.

She'll use it in the dark train station instead of running her hand along the wall and getting gum on her fingers. She'll swallow her shame and unfold the cane when she gets to a crosswalk, letting it tell her where the curb drops off to the street. She'll try to think of it as her antenna, communicating when there's a garbage can or a person or a wall in her way.

And she'll give the cane a name.

It should be inspirational, she decides. But it can't be "Syreeta." There's only one Syreeta.

So Gloria settles on "Danielle," her daughter's middle name.


Gloria holds a green bean between her forefinger and thumb, and listens to the students in the center's lunchroom talk about their eye problems. She is beginning to think differently about these people.

On this June afternoon they share stories — about memorizing the letters on an eye chart, or learning to use their canes, or wishing they could still drive — and Gloria feels like they're talking about her life.

She now understands why they say "see you later." They don't have to change the way they speak just because their vision is failing. She admires how they type memos, confidently tap their canes in the hallways and buy Cokes from the braille-labeled vending machine.

They handle these activities with ease. They seem normal, self-sufficient, even content. Maybe this won't be so tough, she thinks.

Soon, though, Gloria comes to understand how much concentration is required to complete tasks that once seemed so simple — walking, reading, cooking, shopping. These things must now be done a new way, and storing all this information in the brain leaves little room for tidbits like the location of keys, or the date of a doctor's appointment.

One day Gloria agrees to walk with a classmate to a nearby Chinese buffet for lunch.

"I know I threw some money in here somewhere," Gloria says, digging through her soft, black satchel.

Her frustration grows with every item she pulls out of the purse: sunglasses, a pack of Doral Menthol 100s, a plastic-wrapped chocolate cookie, two beat-up spiral notebooks and an addressed envelope with an "I love you" stamp stuck on upside-down.

She closely examines a crumpled receipt, then a Hershey's bar wrapper.

"Sorry," Gloria says to her friend, who is waiting patiently.

Gloria paws through what remains in the purse and then stops. Her money is in her locker.

Sometimes she thinks she's losing her short-term memory along with her sight.


By July, Gloria's eyesight has worsened. When she's not wearing lenses, she must stand 20 feet from an object that people with normal sight can see 400 feet away. With lenses her vision is about 20/100. She talks about this, and how others assume it limits her more than it really does, during a group therapy session at the center.

"Gloria, how was your Fourth of July?" the group's leader asks.

Gloria sits on one foot and picks at the shimmery coral nail polish on her scarred and stubby right thumb.

"My daughter-in-law asked me to make chicken salad and fruit salad when I visited in Moore, South Carolina," she reports to the nine-member group. Then she sighs. "Oh, the Lord had his hands on me that day."

Her 32-year-old son and his wife thought Gloria couldn't make cantaloupe balls. She told them she would let them know if she needed help.

"I don't want to be helpless," Gloria tells the therapy group. "I was for a long time."

She pats her burgundy curls and listens to the others talk about the frustrations of dealing with sighted folks — how they move things around or say "it's over there" — and nods.

"Once I was walking with my sister Tami, and suddenly her voice got quiet," Gloria says. "I said, 'Tami?' I put my hand out and touched the man next to me. He said, 'Do you need some help?' I said, 'I'm looking for my sister.' He said, 'There's no woman here.' Tami had crossed the street."

Most of Gloria's family members don't know the extent of her vision loss. That's partly Gloria's fault. When she was in denial, she couldn't admit her disability to anyone. When she did open up about it, her family couldn't or wouldn't comprehend the complexities of her condition. Now Gloria doesn't talk much about it, and they don't often ask.

They show concern in other ways. Tami, a single mother who works at a tax preparation company in College Park, spends almost all her free time shuttling Gloria to appointments, depositing her checks and running her errands.

Gloria's mother calls often. Her father prays that Gloria's vision will return.

She'll see her parents soon, when she travels to suburban Pittsburgh to throw her father's birthday party. It's important that the elaborate event come together, in part because Gloria believes her Daddy deserves no less, but also because she wants to prove she can do this despite her disability.

The more discomfort her family expresses about the scope of her plan, the more ambitious Gloria becomes.


It's 7 p.m. on a Wednesday in July. Gloria eases into a pew six rows from the front at Friendship Baptist Church in College Park. She's comfortable here. She knows her way around the pink-carpeted auditorium and can recognize the deacons.

It's almost time for the service to start. Gloria unzips her grandmother's red leather-covered Bible and fingers the nearly translucent pages. She watches as the gospel singers assemble on the stage near the glass podium, the leather chairs, the plastic lily plants and . . .

. . . her vision begins to cloud over.

She blinks hard. Still cloudy.

She looks up. The small, circular lights on the domed ceiling seem like tiny suns. Her eye sockets suddenly feel like they're brimming with broken glass.

As the chatty parishioners settle into their seats, Gloria dabs at her swollen eyes with a crumpled tissue. The house lights come up a touch, and Gloria hopes this will help. It doesn't. She freezes.

"I can't see anything," she says, her voice quivering, her hands in fists.

Gloria widens her eyes, then shuts them tight.

She slowly rises from her seat, picks up her cane but does not unfold it, and begins a labored walk up the aisle to the chapel exit. She bumps her right hand along the edges of the pews, pushes open the chapel doors and finds the bathroom.

She stands at the mirror, her hands unsteady, and pulls two bottles of eyedrops from her black purse. Then, she pops out the tiny, hard contact lens in her left eye.

Gloria holds the lens close to her face. The little disc is covered in a light, white film.

"Ha!"

Gloria's shout bounces off the bathroom walls.

It's pollen, nothing more.


Two days later, Gloria is back at the center, attempting to finish a word processing assignment. Four xylophone tones signal it's time for lunch, but she remains hunched over her keyboard.

She's tired of pecking at the backspace button to wipe out a line of incorrect letters, so she tries something new. Highlighting a row of text, she erases it with a single keystroke.

"Yeah!" she calls out, then snaps her fingers. "I did it!"

Gloria excitedly calls her sister to share this and other triumphs, like completing a class on navigating the airport with her cane. She has also picked upan important bit of braille: the letter P and the number 60. They're the location and the price of her favorite snack in the center's vending machine: a Hershey's bar with almonds.

In adult education class, Gloria scoots her chair close and arranges her book under the lens of the magnifying machine. It's a bulky piece of equipment that looks like a library's old microfilm reader. The letters appear an inch tall on the screen. She mutters the words to herself.

" 'Sometimes I still cry . . . It doesn't matter how we get down into a pit. It only matters that we get out of it.' "

She's reading "Really Bad Girls of the Bible: More Lessons from Less-Than-Perfect Women," by Liz Curtis Higgs. She moves the book under the lens like the tracer on a Ouija board. The words swish across the screen.

This is Gloria's last day at the center before taking an extended break for her father's birthday party.

"Tell me about the character," her instructor says.

Gloria thinks for a moment.

"She's like me," she says. "When people look at me they always think I'm so cheery, so bubbly, always got it going on. But I'm really in a pit."

She's just beginning to believe there is a way out.

This shift in attitude hasn't gone unnoticed by other students at the center. They've started coming to Gloria for advice.

Like a patient teacher, she answers their questions and escorts them down the halls. She makes sure to use her cane, and she encourages her classmates to do the same.

Gloria secretly wonders if she has found a new calling.


Gloria moves through the living room of her Aunt Dottie's house in Verona, Pa., stopping every few paces to examine the framed family photographs that cover the walls.

She can't make out much more than colors and shapes in the pictures. But she has been coming to this house for so long the images are fixed in her memory. She knows where to find the wallet-sized photo of her daughter wearing a blue feather boa around her bare shoulders. It rests near portraits of other lost children. Gloria's mother and Aunts Dottie, Mena and Connie have each buried a child.

These women, along with her cousin Jeannie and Aunt Rozzie, are helping Gloria prepare for the surprise birthday party. She has been planning the event — featuring a disc jockey, buffet dinner, musical presentations, surprise guests and speeches — for more than a year.

Gloria spreads a yellow, plastic sheet on the dining room table. From this, 140 squares will be cut, then wrapped around lollipops, secured with yellow ribbon and placed in cellophane bags. They'll become table favors.

"Next birthday I'm saying happy birthday to him, and that's all," Aunt Mena jokes, tapping her cigarette against a green glass ashtray.

Two white ceiling fans blow warm air and smoke around the room. "The Young and the Restless" plays loudly from a small television on the kitchen counter. As the women cut squares, snip ribbon and gab, Gloria silently debates whether to show her family the goggles she got at the center. They mimic Gloria's eye condition. The left lens is blurry, and the right is almost entirely covered with a paper circle.

Gloria wants these women to understand what her vision is like and to know what she's able to do in spite of it. But she worries her relatives won't want to try on the goggles. Maybe her mother will push them aside, or her aunts will roll their eyes.

 

Gloria turns this over and over in her mind. Finally, she decides to bring the goggles out. She hands them to Aunt Rozzie.

"That's how you see?" Rozzie asks, peering through the lenses.

"What do you use them for?"

That question comes from Gloria's mother, Nean. She thinks the goggles somehow help Gloria see better. Her daughter corrects this notion.

"They show you how I see," Gloria says.

"Oh," Nean says, quieting.

Aunt Dottie puts them on. Who wants to try them next?

Gloria's mother doesn't volunteer, but Aunt Mena does. "You about blind, Gloria," she says.

Gloria's mother lights a cigarette and listens intently to the conversation.

"I'm legally and clinically blind," Gloria says. "I can't even pass the driver's test."

"Really?" Aunt Mena asks.

Though her mother doesn't ask for the goggles, Gloria hands them to her. Nean inspects them, fingering the plastic lenses, and her eyes grow wet. She covers them with the goggles.

"Is it gonna get worse?" Aunt Mena asks.

"Let's pray it doesn't," Nean says, pulling the goggles off.

The group moves on to talk about a sick friend and a grandchild's recent seizure.

At the end of the day, some of the lollipops still need tags, so they're placed in a yellow grocery bag that Nean labels in tall but thin letters.

"I can't see that!" Gloria says, annoyed.

"What? I can see it," her mother says, shaking her head.

Gloria clucks her tongue and snatches the bag. With a big, fat marker, she writes "36 need tabs."

Nean stays quiet; then she walks away and lights another cigarette.


Two days before the big party, Gloria runs errands with her cousin Jeannie. At the top of the list: Pick up balloons and order a cake with Daddy's photo on top. Tasks like these carry the extra freight of demonstrating that Gloria's diminished eyesight hasn't made her less capable.

On the way to a dollar store for the balloons, she and her cousin disagree about directions.

"Take a left here," Gloria says, certain of the way to the Dollar Wave. Jeannie suggests a different route, and Gloria begins to protest, then reconsiders. Maybe both her memory and her eyes are failing. She lets Jeannie take the lead.

The two pull into a shopping plaza. No sign of the Dollar Wave. They stop in another shop.

"Is there a Dollar Wave here?" Gloria asks the cashier. The bored girl has never heard of the store.

Grumbling, Gloria digs through her purse and produces the tiny order slip from the Dollar Wave. The clerk looks at the address. It's not in this plaza.

A grin breaks across Gloria's face.

"So I did tell the right way to go!" she announces. "We should've made a left."

The two women return to the car and backtrack down the road.

"See, there's the golden arches!" Gloria calls out, pointing to the landmark near the Dollar Wave. "I know where we're goin'!"

"OK, Gloria," Jeannie says. "Don't beat me up over it."

Inside the store, Gloria heads to the candle aisle, instructing Jeannie to buy yellow and white. Then they pick up a cluster of multicolored mylar balloons and check out. Next they'll go to the grocery store to order the photo-printed cake.

As they exit the Dollar Wave, Jeannie gasps; she has left the two photographs for the cake somewhere. She rushes back into the store.

Gloria sighs impatiently and waits.

Jeannie frantically searches the shelves. "They're gonna kill me," she says to the salesgirl, who tries to help.

After a few minutes, Gloria marches in and goes straight to the candle aisle. She feels around on the shelves. Within seconds, her palms land on the photos.

"Oh, you found them!" Jeannie exclaims, her hand on her heaving chest.

"My sense of touch is getting better," Gloria says, smiling sweetly. "You owe me a king-size Hershey bar with almonds."


Thirty-six guests have settled into their seats when Gloria breezes into the community center at 4:30 p.m. for the party, looking as light and airy as her flowing orange-and-yellow dress. When she hears her name called, she pirouettes toward the sound on clear, plastic high heels.

"Hello!" she calls out. "How are you?"

Gloria appears to recognize everyone, from the squat woman in the lime green caftan to the lanky lady in the black cowboy hat rimmed with rhinestones. But she can't really identify them until she hears them speak.

The afternoon sun shines through the sliding glass doors. Cameras click, emitting short bursts of white light. The DJ plays soul oldies, and Gloria flits about, fussing over the videographer, the table favors and the temperature.

At 5:15 p.m. she stands at the doorway, clutching a cake-shaped hat with candles poking out of the top, and prays silently: Lord, don't let anything go wrong tonight. This could be the last time I see my dad and I want to see him happy. I want that to be the picture I'll always remember.

Gloria's father strides through the door in a dapper blue suit, and the crowd cheers. Gloria, eyes teary, props the hat on his head.

From there, just about everything goes as Gloria planned. Small glitches -- like losing the written version of her speech and never getting a chance to eat -- don't faze her. She sips a purple wine cooler as she watches her parents boogie to "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge. Friends and family encourage Gloria to join them.

Gloria once was a dance fiend, the first to hit the floor for some stepping at the parties in her parents' basement. These days, though, she's cautious, and just shrugs her shoulders to the music while keeping her feet firmly planted on the ground.

"C'mon, Gloria!" a friend calls out.

Gloria smiles shyly and hesitates a moment. Then she trots onto the dance floor.

The DJ plays "The Electric Slide" and calls out instructions: "Left. Right. Up. Back. Turn!"

Gloria keeps up with the steps. She bumps into a neighbor, then holds her mother's arm for guidance.

Though her eyes are downcast, Gloria is happy. She isn't thinking about what she can't see, and no one's talking about it. Her glasses and cane are tucked away in her purse.

As the bass thumps on, Gloria lets go of her mother and adds a few shoulder rolls and hip shakes to the routine. By the end of the song, her hairline is damp with sweat, and she's giggling and hugging her friends.

Another line dance is announced: "The Mississippi Mudslide."

"I love this one," Gloria says.

Stomp with the right foot. Stomp with the left foot.

She closes her eyes and smiles.


Gloria returns to the center in October, with a big grin and a stack of photographs from the birthday party. She's wearing red pants, red socks and red shoes to match her mood. And she carries her white cane, which she now calls her "best friend."

In computer class, Gloria resumes her word processing lessons -- No. 8 of 14. And instead of continuing to read "Really Bad Girls of the Bible" in adult education class, Gloria brings in a book she says is less depressing and more inspiring: "The Ditchdigger's Daughters: A Black Family's Astonishing Success Story."

Gloria's spirits are high in part because she thinks her vision is improving. After a recent church conference, the black ink stain covering the middle of her right eye seemed to lighten a little and shrink a touch. She believes she can see details she couldn't before, like a woman's golden earring, dangling 12 feet away.

Gloria acknowledges that she may have imagined these changes; a doctor certainly hasn't verified them. Maybe she has become more adept at finding windows of sight in her right eye. Or maybe this has more to do with her attitude.

The success of the surprise party has buoyed her confidence. She's proud of herself and thinks Syreeta would be, too.

Soon Gloria will learn braille and other advanced skills. And in just a few months, she will graduate from the Center for the Visually Impaired. She hopes to get a job there as a receptionist or volunteer with children.

Whether she still will be a fixture at the center or whether she'll move on, a part of her will always remain there. She can almost imagine it:

A new student walks into the center feeling afraid, skeptical and angry. The evaluations and training requirements seem overwhelming. The counselors' words of encouragement just aren't enough.

Then, in the orientation materials, the student finds an audiotape. On it is a quiet and calming voice:

"Hi, this is Gloria. I am visually impaired."

Words she could not have spoken the year before come easily now. Gloria is no longer afraid or ashamed of her disability. It has become part of her identity.

The recording, made at Gloria's suggestion, continues:

"There is life after blindness."

It's filled with the same joys she experienced when she could see, but it's a richer life

"I can do so many things now, and I know that life will go on," she says. "My confidence has been built back up. My self-esteem is higher, and I know now I'm a better person."

She initially was isolated by her disability, imprisoned by the growing darkness and her own assumptions about what she could and could not do.

"I believe that I see better now, even though I am visually impaired."

Someday, Gloria knows, she may lose what remains of her sight. But never her vision.

"So I would like to welcome you all," she says on the tape.

"I hope to see you here."

 

 

 

Note: This site is best viewed using Firefox 2.0.0.4 or higher 

Copyright 2007 Linchpin Media. All rights reserved.

Linchpin Media
Atlanta, GA
ph: 678-613-8956